Tying the marriage

I was fortunate to attend the 'tying of the marriage' ceremony of my very good friend Omar Keita. I have worked closely with Omar all year, he is 33 years old and has yet to be married. This is unusual for a man of his age. Omar is such a kind and gentle man and I am very excited that he has finally found himself a wife.

I will outline the events leading up to the ceremony. Omar met his wife, Huray, whilst she was living with a friend of his over a year ago.. She worked as an Unqualified teacher for a period in our region. Omar informed his two close friends who were respected community members of his interest and his uncle who lived in his home village 200km away. It was then up to the 3 men to begin the discussions with Huray's family. They visited her family over a period of months to talk about Omar's good character and his suitability as a husband for Huray. Huray's family then discussed the proposal with Huray to see if she is willing to marry Omar. The marriage is not a forced one as Huray has a say as to whom she marries.

Omar is from the Mandinka tribe, Huray from the Fula tribe. It is common for Gambians to inter marry, although cultural traditions on either side need to be respected.

Huray's and her family agree that Omar is a worthy suitor and a day for the 'tying of the marriage' is arranged. At this stage, it is unlikely that Omar and Huray have spent time alone. On the day, our work vehicle is loaded with 5 work colleagues, Omar, his friends and uncle. All up 14 of us travel to the Fula community 3 hours away. On arrival we are greeted by the host family, as we are unable to go to Huray's family compound before the marriage is validated. At the host family we sit inside and the customary greetings and introductions are made. I am the only female, with around 12 men, but I am warmly welcomed. After the greetings and introductions we share a food bowl of sour milk and dried cous cous, this is part of the cultural ceremony.

Two religious teachers, Omar's uncle and friends representing him then walk to Huray's compound to meet with the men in her family and village, to begin the negotiations. I am unable to attend this as I am a women, but my Gambian friend goes between compounds and informs Omar and I of the proceedings. The 3 women from our village and I also make a nosy visit to see Huray, she is a lovely girl, about 19 years old. During this time period of nearly 7 hours, I sit with Omar, other women and men awaiting the outcome. Huray is able to join us towards the end, she is very excited.

The men negotiating follow the customs of greetings, introductions, discussion of Omar's character, prayers and the amount of money Omar needs to pay to the brides family to have her hand in marriage and what dowry (materials) Huray will bring with her to live with Omar. They also discuss what day Huray is able to join Omar in Soma, (4 weeks time). Once this has been agreed the exchange of Kola nuts is made as a symbol of 'tying the marriage', these are distributed to the brides friends and family. The men then return to the hosts compound and together we share two meals. One shared food bowl of rice and fish, the other of rice and goats meat. We use our right hand to eat and squish the rice together from our portion of the food bowl. Once again, I am the only female able to eat with the men.

Omar then meets Huray's family for the first time. It is well after midnight and our group says our goodbyes ,ready to make the 3 hour journey back to Soma.

From here, Omar and Huray will have wedding celebration towards the end of the year, but they are now traditionally married.

I feel extremely happy for Omar, as he is such a kind man, his wife, Huray, although much younger is a feisty and strong character, I think she will be the boss lady in their marriage, bless Omar!!